A Mother's Love

A year ago I was sick morning, noon, and night because of the little bump under my belly button. That little bump was you. A year has past and I can't believe you were ever not a part of me. I wanted you and dreamed of you and yet I still wasn't prepared for how deep my love would be for you, my sweet baby boy. You have my whole heart. I have come to realize that I have three hearts that are all completely filled with love, undivided and full. 
Some days I wonder if you can feel it, even as a baby... the love of your mama. I wish I could show you. Show you how your little smile makes my day. How I can waste an hour just watching you sleep.  I wish I could carry you in my arms forever and protect you from anything that could ever cause you pain.  I feel that especially right now. My heart is filled with so much love that it hurts.  Is my love enough to keep you safe?  Can a mothers love create miracles?  I pray for you with every breath I take.
You just stopped eating to look up at me with bewilderment, my tears are soaking your shirt. I hadn't even noticed I was crying... but it's what I needed to do more than you can understand.  You smiled such a sweet carefree smile up at me as if to tell me its all going to be ok... and I know you feel it too.  The love that only a mama and her baby can share.

 

 

** Update:  This post was written when the doctor feared that Lane's skull had fused prematurely and he would require extensive nuero-surgery to crack the skull back open and allow space for his brain to grow.  Thankfully shortly after this post we saw a pediatric nuero-surgeon who discovered that the plates, while overlapping, were not fused and would not require surgery.  His skull  shape has evened out significantly since then with normal growth and positional change as his neck has gained strength.